Vulnerability is not my style, trust me. But this is straight from the heart and too much to type in a text to my husband. Enjoy!

Having a baby is one of the biggest changes in life that you can make. That baby becomes the center of your world. And when you bring that baby home, those first few months otherwise known as the newborn phase are some of the most challenging. Some won’t understand what you are going through, and that is okay. Some will bring things up that you carry with you forever.

Bringing Penelope home was a dream. I can still smell the fresh air, the pride in my soul when we walked through the door with our new baby, and the unbelievable love. It was a feeling you cannot explain until you experience it yourself.

When we discussed bringing Penelope home, we initially wanted no one home. We wanted to be alone with our new baby. Then I gave birth and suddenly, we got comfortable with the fact that there would be someone at our house to help us. So we begged my parents to stay. They had their trailer parked somewhere about an hour away, to only be a call away if we needed anything.

Knowing this new chapter in our lives would need some help adjusting to, they stayed. Once we got settled from being at the hospital, there was a feeling of “holy shit. I actually had a baby.” I was a mom now. My husband was dad now.

It is true what they say. Having a baby really helps you see who is there for you in life, and who is going to fight you through any kind of decision you make. People like that lack grace and forgiveness and love. Those people don’t understand the struggle that lies ahead for you in those coming days and months.

Being in the trenches and learning how to navigate this tiny human was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I remember looking at my husband at 2 a.m. sobbing and saying, “I just want to sleep.” After trying everything to get Penelope to stop crying. That was one of my weakest moments. (Will I be doing it again? Absolutely. Because it may have been one of the hardest things, but it was one of the best things also).

Some people don’t see those moments. They don’t ask. You don’t tell them, because you don’t feel like you should have to. Especially if they have been through it themselves. To not be provided support and understanding in such a vulnerable time, by those that you thought would be there. It is the most heartbreaking thing new parents can go through.

Now being almost 11 months in, I am here to say you have to choose to love your family and not be consumed by the drama and the hurt created by others. Because it can become all consuming. The words of disgrace and disrespect eat at you until there is nothing left. These words hurt even worse when they come from family.

Leaving the hospital with a new life (literally and figuratively), its a crazy feeling. Being postpartum and having take care of a little human that depends on you. It can be more weight than shoulders are willing to bear. That is why having support and love and understanding and forgiveness is the most important thing.

Surrounding yourself with people that you aren’t afraid to lose it in front of, because maybe the baby won’t latch or maybe the bottle is taking forever to warm up or maybe someone said something hurtful to you because they forgot what it is like to be in the new shoes you are gracefully trying to fit into. Those are the people that are important in this new life.

So to those new parents, to the women who are pregnant and going to give birth soon, to the postpartum moms trying not to have a mental meltdown. You are doing fine. Parenthood is trial and error. Your babies love you and do not care if you smell like rotten milk or haven’t brushed your teeth in a few days.

To the family members of these new parents and of the women in those fresh postpartum days. Give them grace. Give them love. Give them support. They are struggling trying to navigate this new life. All they need now more than ever, is for you to be there for them.

As Penelope’s 1st birthday quickly approaches, I have been reflecting on what the last year has taught me. Between the happiness, tears, and struggle. I have learned my fair share of lessons becoming a first time mom. And I have a boat load more lessons to learn, but these ones are the ones that stuck out to me the most in my first year as a new mom.

1. Not everyone you expect to be there, will be there. When you get pregnant, you expect everyone to be excited and willing to lend a hand. That is not the case. Some people are not willing to put their stuff aside to come help you wash bottles or vacuum or fold the baby’s laundry. They aren’t even willing to bring you a meal and just sit with the baby so you can have a hot meal. It will hurt, but you learn to cope.

2. The house work does not matter. After giving birth, I put an immense amount of pressure on myself to maintain my old life. Things like keeping the house tidy, having the laundry done, even changing out of my pjs every day. My husband told me so many times he does not care what the house looks like or if there were dishes in the sink. He didn’t even care what he had for dinner when he came home from work. He said “I don’t care if it’s a peanut butter and jelly sandwich”. That was a HARD pill to swallow because I was home all day and couldn’t even get out of my pjs. What kind of wife did that make me? It took me a while to learn that it doesn’t matter. What matters is healing and being with our baby.

3. The Newborn phase does not last forever. Looking back, 3 months really is not that long. In the moment, it feels like a lifetime. I wish I could get it back (and I can, with baby #2), but you just can’t. So when you are in the thick of it, pay attention. Soak in the breastfeeding, the diaper changes in the middle of the night, the bassinet next to your bed, the newborn snuggles and contact naps. Because it all goes away. You will get your sleep back. Some of us are more fortunate than others though with that, so take it with a grain of salt. Those sleepless nights are painful and long, but in the grand scheme of things, it is only 3 months. Soak it in.

4. Take the nap. For the love of everything that is good in this world, take the freaking nap. Do not pick up the vacuum, do not pick up the sponge in the sink. The only thing that matters when the baby is sleeping, is that you are sleeping. I bet you are a happier person when you have had some sleep. Like lesson number 2, it may feel defeating to not do anything but sit on the couch all day. But you are taking care of a human and that is like 3 full time jobs wrapped in one. Take the nap, you deserve it.

5. Breastfeeding is not for everyone. I loved breastfeeding. I thought it was beautiful and lovely; a great way to bond with my baby. Until it wasn’t that. It took a little bit to get it down pat, but once we did. It was smooth sailing. And when I say smooth sailing, I mean night feedings were solid. Day time was another story. At the beginning I didn’t know if I was producing enough to keep her happy or if she wasn’t latching properly or if I was just a failure. Eventually, I figured out a system. I exclusively pumped during the day and gave her a bottle. At night, I would breastfeed because I did not want to go downstairs to make a bottle. It worked very well for us and I am proud of being able to provide breastmilk for 6 months.

6. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Giving birth is probably the hardest thing you will ever do in your lifetime. Physically speaking (men, I don’t know what that means for you). You grew a human in your body. You provided nutrients and life. The craziest thing to me, you grew a brain with your body. WHAT!? Becoming a mom is already hard. Give yourself grace. Allow yourself to cry. It may not feel like your a good mom when it’s 3 am, your baby is whaling, and nothing is working. But remember it has to stop at some point, and you are a great mom. I promise.

7. Stay firm on your boundaries. Becoming a mom lights a different fire under you. You learn who will respect your boundaries and who will not. The ones who do not, are usually the ones with big opinions about how you parent and how you care for your baby. The ones that do respect your boundaries are the ones that will not provide unsolicited advice, try to learn your routine, and give your baby unconditional love.

8. Take pictures at the hospital. I mean after birth. When you are in postpartum, take so many pictures. I didn’t take hardly any pictures in postpartum and I regret it so bad. I have newborn pictures, but I want the ones from the hospital, of Penelope fresh out of the womb only a few hours old. Please take pictures of your baby fresh out (not while they’re cleaning you up and all of that) when they are wrapped up in swaddles in their hospital bassinet. Take pictures of your husband holding your baby for the first time. I understand you want to be in the moment, but trust me. You will regret it if you don’t. Especially if you are one and done.

9. It’s not that much spit up. I was not keen on knowing normal amounts of spit up. When we were first starting our journey, Penelope was spitting up everywhere after feedings. I was new to this. I had literally no idea. I called the doctor twice for large amounts of spit up and looking back it was definitely just the new mom in me. She was completely okay, and just ate too much. I was ill informed and it took the second time calling the doctor to figure out that she was fine, and I am overreacting.

10. NEVER FORGET YOU ARE A GREAT MOM. You are a great mom. Even on the hardest days when your child is testing your patience. You are a great mom. Remember, every mom needs a break. It is okay to need a few hours away from your baby. That does not make you a horrible mom. It makes you a better mom because you recognized what you need as a human to survive, and if it’s a few hours away to go browse through Target with a coffee. Do it.

My husband and I started this show when Penelope was a newborn, and this scene stuck with me… Enjoy!

When I started our registry, at first it was fun. Looking at all the baby things. The cute clothes and little toys, it was fun… at first. Then things got serious the closer the baby shower got. Making me more stressed about the registry. We registered on Amazon and Target. I geared my focus more towards the Amazon registry but Target was cool too.

I knew a few things I had to have for our baby then there were things that I saw that I figured would be cool to try if we received it. I knew I really wanted a Pack N Play. My brother and I grew up using one, so I knew it was something that was a need. Due to the convenience. I loved the one we got because of the attachments. The bassinet and the changing table was fantastic during the newborn stage and up to about 6 months.

Another item I could never be more thankful for. The Merlin Magic Sleep Suit. When we started doing naps in the crib, our daughter was not a fan. I tried everything to get away from contact naps. Then we were given a sleep suit. This thing was magic. Our baby went from only contact napping, to taking 3 to 4 hours in her crib. It really was magic.

Something you can never have enough of. Burp cloths. You can find them everywhere in our house. There is at least one in every room. Whether its spit up or a spill. Burp cloths save the day always. We were not gifted any at our baby shower, and I was disappointed. Because that was something we actually needed. So I made a bulk order on Amazon. Needless to say, we have an endless supply of burp cloths.

A bougie item you may not need, but want. The Hatch Sound Machine. We didn’t need it. But I always wanted one so I figured, why not. We received it in the mail and I fell in love. I loved it so much, I decided I needed the adult one for myself. I love everything about it. The red light is perfect for night time when I putting Penelope to bed. The soft white light is perfect for night time diaper changes.

Something I sprang for because I thought it would be super handy. A swivel bassinet. I invested in the Halo Swivel Bassinet. It was a touch on the pricey side, but I loved the swivel feature for getting in and out of bed, especially for those night time diaper changes. We are also going to use it for our next baby so the money is well worth it.

One more thing we were skeptical on, but ended up loving. The Diaper Genie. I was asked if I wanted one, and I said no. It’s overpriced and I just didn’t see the sense in it. Until we were gifted one at our work baby shower (yes, we worked at the same department). It is easy to refill once you figure it out and it keeps the smell away extremely well.

A small thing that was helpful for us. Any 2 way zip up pajamas. The snaps or button up ones are a no go in this household. I swore when I had a baby, I WOULD NEVER subject myself to snap or button up pajamas. Because who wants to be awake at night snapping buttons and making sure they are lined up. I was not the one.

All babies have their preference on pacifiers. We tried a some of the popular ones, but the one Penelope really loves are the Phillips Avent Ultra Air. We tried them on a whim one night because nothing was working. Low and behold, these ones were a miracle. They work so well for her.

Last but certainly not least. Butt creams. I didn’t know what diaper rash looked like as a new mom, neither did my husband. But we were gifted a ton of butt cream. Our favorite is the Boudreaux’s Butt Paste. It came highly recommended by a friend. It cleared up the diaper rash overnight.

Moral of all of this, don’t let the baby registry stress you out. It can feel like a daunting task but it doesn’t have to be. If you think it is something you want, put it on the registry. If someone doesn’t buy it, that’s okay. I tried to block out the “you wont need that” and the “you wont use that”. It’s your registry. It’s there for people to pick through.

Links for everything I have suggested are below…. Happy registry building!

Pack N Play

Merlin Magic Sleep Suit

Burp Cloths

Hatch Sound Machine

Halo Swivel Bassinet

Diaper Genie

Phillips Avent Ultra Air

Boudreaux’s Butt Paste