As Penelope’s 1st birthday quickly approaches, I have been reflecting on what the last year has taught me. Between the happiness, tears, and struggle. I have learned my fair share of lessons becoming a first time mom. And I have a boat load more lessons to learn, but these ones are the ones that stuck out to me the most in my first year as a new mom.
1. Not everyone you expect to be there, will be there. When you get pregnant, you expect everyone to be excited and willing to lend a hand. That is not the case. Some people are not willing to put their stuff aside to come help you wash bottles or vacuum or fold the baby’s laundry. They aren’t even willing to bring you a meal and just sit with the baby so you can have a hot meal. It will hurt, but you learn to cope.
2. The house work does not matter. After giving birth, I put an immense amount of pressure on myself to maintain my old life. Things like keeping the house tidy, having the laundry done, even changing out of my pjs every day. My husband told me so many times he does not care what the house looks like or if there were dishes in the sink. He didn’t even care what he had for dinner when he came home from work. He said “I don’t care if it’s a peanut butter and jelly sandwich”. That was a HARD pill to swallow because I was home all day and couldn’t even get out of my pjs. What kind of wife did that make me? It took me a while to learn that it doesn’t matter. What matters is healing and being with our baby.
3. The Newborn phase does not last forever. Looking back, 3 months really is not that long. In the moment, it feels like a lifetime. I wish I could get it back (and I can, with baby #2), but you just can’t. So when you are in the thick of it, pay attention. Soak in the breastfeeding, the diaper changes in the middle of the night, the bassinet next to your bed, the newborn snuggles and contact naps. Because it all goes away. You will get your sleep back. Some of us are more fortunate than others though with that, so take it with a grain of salt. Those sleepless nights are painful and long, but in the grand scheme of things, it is only 3 months. Soak it in.
4. Take the nap. For the love of everything that is good in this world, take the freaking nap. Do not pick up the vacuum, do not pick up the sponge in the sink. The only thing that matters when the baby is sleeping, is that you are sleeping. I bet you are a happier person when you have had some sleep. Like lesson number 2, it may feel defeating to not do anything but sit on the couch all day. But you are taking care of a human and that is like 3 full time jobs wrapped in one. Take the nap, you deserve it.
5. Breastfeeding is not for everyone. I loved breastfeeding. I thought it was beautiful and lovely; a great way to bond with my baby. Until it wasn’t that. It took a little bit to get it down pat, but once we did. It was smooth sailing. And when I say smooth sailing, I mean night feedings were solid. Day time was another story. At the beginning I didn’t know if I was producing enough to keep her happy or if she wasn’t latching properly or if I was just a failure. Eventually, I figured out a system. I exclusively pumped during the day and gave her a bottle. At night, I would breastfeed because I did not want to go downstairs to make a bottle. It worked very well for us and I am proud of being able to provide breastmilk for 6 months.
6. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Giving birth is probably the hardest thing you will ever do in your lifetime. Physically speaking (men, I don’t know what that means for you). You grew a human in your body. You provided nutrients and life. The craziest thing to me, you grew a brain with your body. WHAT!? Becoming a mom is already hard. Give yourself grace. Allow yourself to cry. It may not feel like your a good mom when it’s 3 am, your baby is whaling, and nothing is working. But remember it has to stop at some point, and you are a great mom. I promise.
7. Stay firm on your boundaries. Becoming a mom lights a different fire under you. You learn who will respect your boundaries and who will not. The ones who do not, are usually the ones with big opinions about how you parent and how you care for your baby. The ones that do respect your boundaries are the ones that will not provide unsolicited advice, try to learn your routine, and give your baby unconditional love.
8. Take pictures at the hospital. I mean after birth. When you are in postpartum, take so many pictures. I didn’t take hardly any pictures in postpartum and I regret it so bad. I have newborn pictures, but I want the ones from the hospital, of Penelope fresh out of the womb only a few hours old. Please take pictures of your baby fresh out (not while they’re cleaning you up and all of that) when they are wrapped up in swaddles in their hospital bassinet. Take pictures of your husband holding your baby for the first time. I understand you want to be in the moment, but trust me. You will regret it if you don’t. Especially if you are one and done.
9. It’s not that much spit up. I was not keen on knowing normal amounts of spit up. When we were first starting our journey, Penelope was spitting up everywhere after feedings. I was new to this. I had literally no idea. I called the doctor twice for large amounts of spit up and looking back it was definitely just the new mom in me. She was completely okay, and just ate too much. I was ill informed and it took the second time calling the doctor to figure out that she was fine, and I am overreacting.
10. NEVER FORGET YOU ARE A GREAT MOM. You are a great mom. Even on the hardest days when your child is testing your patience. You are a great mom. Remember, every mom needs a break. It is okay to need a few hours away from your baby. That does not make you a horrible mom. It makes you a better mom because you recognized what you need as a human to survive, and if it’s a few hours away to go browse through Target with a coffee. Do it.
My husband and I started this show when Penelope was a newborn, and this scene stuck with me… Enjoy!
